So there goes the '4 months'?

Push yourself to the extend of you thought your limits!

I still remember how I was making such noise and really disagree when the IPTAs in Malaysia (UiTM is affected) need to change it's semester schedule. Easy say = reschedule the semester. We are so used to the Dis-May and July-Nov semester schedule for ages. And the sudden change needs the degree students to have extra breaks from mid May - mid September to actually balance the rescheduling. Count that; 4 months, right?

I was so pissed off since it's my final year. I should graduate 3 months earlier (later in 2012) without this rescheduling. But then, who am I to actually disagree. So finally I kept my mouth shut, and accept the fact that... Yeah, 4 months of holidayyy, let's finish study 3 months late :) *smile*

So somehow I went through this 4 months already. Yeah, I did. We all did! What did I do in this 4 months? The most obvious thing is I gained more weight. That's so obvious, can never hide this. Ahh. Ignore that. Somehow I manage to do few things. I went to work. The usual place I always went during my previous semester breaks. It's the UiTM Publication Centre. I don't earn much here in term of $, but it's never all about the money. And I wasn't really given task related to my study areas too. I was doing much of general jobs including clerical jobs. *What? So what did you do? Why do you have to work there?

My answer would be; it's convenient as it's near to my house. And the biggest answer is I'm sticking at the same place for 3 times in a row (May 2010, Nov 2010 & May 2011). *So, what?

So that I gained enough experience based on observation on things I needed to observe. My management lecturer once said that under 3 years of working experience at a certain place does not make you an experienced person because 3 years is not enough for you to really know a company and it's work. *Err what is that you need to observe?

I need to observe things related to working environment. To adapt with the office situation, to get to know with so many people who are from different background. To actually mingle around with people from different social status. So, why is that important?

Because mixing around with people of different traits, age and background from us is a skill. Furthermore I need to know more on UiTM. The departments and how does those department interrelated with each other in operating this one huge university. And somehow, even I wasn't really doing the publication job, I am exposed to the admin and the sales and marketing job. I joined the sales and marketing department and I get to observe more things widely. The process, the problems they face and how they solve the problems. (On their own ways)

For me, opportunity to learn is everywhere. It's all depending on us; how do we take those opportunity in a good way that could benefit us. An opportunist sees opportunity everywhere. Along the way in life, we meet great people who make us smile somehow we also meet people who make us cry. But never too sure to think that the smile is something really good and the cry is bad. Because from that cry, it turn you to someone you never know. Hopefully someone stronger, better and happier. I have always believe that 'Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Really!

Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

So here I am writing after 2 weeks getting back to the normal life; classes, classes, classes, assignments and lots of assignments! I'm in the 5th semester now, which will be my last lecture semester. I'll be going to internship next semester insyaAllah and will be done with my degree study! I'm pretty excited about it but somehow feeling little bit down facing this semester. Maybe due to the long holiday that needs me to get back to the momentum or maybe due to the tough semester I'm facing now. Yes, this will be the toughest semester ever to face, I have major projects, events and an academic writing (mini thesis) to go through.

Thank god, my French KKB level 2 is finishing pretty soon, and my freelance job (magazine's designing, typesetting, layout making) is coming to it's final level. I will soon get to focus on my 5th semester fully. I am really hoping best for this semester. Well it's a little bit disappointing somehow that I will again not be graduating with that pink ANC's sash. Haha I was hoping for the same thing for diploma; getting DL for every semester, and get to wear that pink ANC's sash, but the 3rd semester results (again) has got me to a 'tengok je orangnye pink sash!'. So same goes to this coming convocation (insyaAllah). I'll be AGAIN 'tengok je orangnye pink sash'!

Haha funny lah syaz, why is that pink sash is so important? Because it's somehow an inner motivation, a gift to myself or somehow a gift to my parents too. I want to make them proud. I know they have been hoping for me to get into some kind of more professional field of study before, but I just can't. So there goes me with my Creative Technology's Diploma cert, and soon, Mass Communication and Media Studies cert. So I thought I should graduate the best in my class, and yet I failed.

But somehow it's okay. Seriously it's really okay. I think I'm worth even more than that 'pink sash'. Somehow in life we needed this 'fall and strive back'. The Malays would say, 'jatuh dan bangun'. Because that's when you gotta handle the worst nightmare ever facing your 'worst self-esteem'. That's when you gotta handle the breath in, and yeah it's okay. I can do this! I faced this thing and it makes me stronger. I do lots of self talking. I persuaded myself, I tried to convince myself that I can do it. And yes, I'm back on the track with even much stronger inner.

Ah, self-talk! It's very important. It's like the food for your inner. It's one of the best way of motivating yourself. Trust me it's hard. Really. It's even harder than convincing your parents that you need a RM100 note for just a pair of socks. Really. It's even harder than convincing your friends to make them borrow you their car. But somehow it's a skill. It's a 'Mind Over Matter' skill. To tell yourself that it's okay. To forgive yourself and giving another chance. To get back on the track and keep going. It's like fighting cancer! It needs you lots lots of inner strength.

What do I do when I need to get back on the track? How do I handle hard times?

1. I get back to my Creator. He knows me best. I'd tell Him all my sorrow and pain.
2. I do light talking to my parents, especially my mom on my future plans. (Because I'm too ego to tell that I'm so down, I wanna cry and I wanna fall apart)! In this case, I see myself to be weaker if I cry so instead, I will do light talking to my mom about how am I going to handle my future. What I wanna be.
3. I sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Yes I sleep a lot when I feel so stress up! *Not good I know, see how much I gained weight when I feel stress? But it helps me soothing the tense. It's too hard to face it awake :P
4. I listen to songs that motivate me! You want the list? Here we go, these are some of them!

One Moment In Time

Hampir Ke Situ
(Sorry can't find any other better video!)

The Climb

#Usually I handle this best, so hoping the same for this time too! :)

Que sera sera

Just now in my French class, my lecturer and some of the other students were discussing about the grammatical things on some words, and suddenly he relates it with the song 'Que Sera Sera' and it really reminds me of the good old days!

Ah, reminiscing my childhood days; my kindergarten teacher played this song a lot (newer version) and ask us to sing along haha! :)

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

And... Tonight's best lesson;
L'amour est aveugle mais le mariage améliore la vue d'oeil.
Love is blind but marriage improves eyesight /
Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener.

Can't Help Falling In Love

funneyyhh haih :P

Trust issues?

"You kinda have trust issues. You really won't trust others, don't you?"

Errrk. Emm I don't trust others easily. Sounds better. Because you risk everything in that one single trust. I'm a risk taker, but a wise one. Enough said. So if I'm not risking my trust to trust you, so maybe you are not worth my trust. Just not worth the time too. Sorry.

But yeah, at the same time I do realise that; The biggest risk one can take is to not take one.

#Somehow I have faith that someday, somehow, something's gonna work right. It will be worth the wait :)