'was a good great game' ~ kakakahh

next : badminton, swimming, squash and more of tennis maybe? hahahahakkss!

:P

we are our own greatest worst enemy?

Buckminster Fuller said "You never change anything by fighting the existing. To change something, build a new model and make the existing obsolete." 

When we fear too much of making mistakes to avoid from getting hurt, blamed, failure, pain, rejection, we are actually fear of fear. By not letting ourself to experience the darkness from the light, we might never know how dark is dark and how bright is bright. Fear can keep us away from danger, but fear can also stop us from progressing.

Bertrand once said that fear is one of the main sources of cruelty and to conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. Mean while, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, "Fear and guilt are the only enemies of man" and of course, most famously of all, Franklin Roosevelt said,"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Our Greatest Fear

Giving Yourself Permission To Feel

Feelings are a lot like children; we can honor their feelings – but we do not give them the keys to the car!

It seems that what people fear more than anything is not crime, illness or even death. The greatest fear is our own feelings, especially the loneliness, helplessness and insignificance. Although we all feel them at times, few people know how to cope with their presence. As children, these feelings seemed scary because we identified with them; they represented our reality, our very identity. They seemed enormously important. We talked about them for hours with anyone who would listen. We had no idea what else to do with what seemed like intolerable pain. No one told us that it was okay to simply feel them. Rather, we may have been ridiculed as immature.

We are programmed to think that to feel anything other than happy, confident and successful means that we must be lacking in faith or suffering from an emotional disorder. The drug companies capitalize on the fear of "bad" feelings by telling us that if they are not eliminated, terrible things will happen to us. So we tend to think of bad feelings as monsters that can kidnap us at any moment and plunge us into insanity and despair as we wait helplessly for some drug, event or person to pull us out of the pits.

Most of us learned to valiantly stifle feelings, put on a happy face and act as if "It doesn't hurt," when we flunked a test, were ridiculed by a teacher, ignored by a parent or snubbed by a peer. But these things hurt. If we could not share our feelings and receive validation, we might have felt we were crazy or stupid for not knowing how to be "cool" like the more popular, cynical types who seemed not to be burdened with intense feelings. No wonder people try to numb feelings with drugs or addictions!

However, there is a better way. Emotional multi-tasking means giving ourself permission to feel, without shame or guilt, and identify what messages the painful feelings have come to give us. We all experience endless losses, frustrations and disappointments. We will all feel betrayed, lonely, abused, insulted, abandoned and cheated. Only criminals are lacking in feelings. Inevitably, we will burn with rage, be crazed with grief or feel shriveled by rejection and failure. While we are supposed to feel joy about our ability to keep smiling, this is not to deny our heartbreak. This is called emotional multi-tasking.

Emotional multi-tasking means that we give ourselves permission to feel, without shame or guilt, and identify what messages the painful feelings have come to give us. Once we figure out the message, we can just let the feelings be and continue to function to the best of our ability, with the pain.

It is important to think of an e-motion as energy in motion. Emotions are meant to move us, to take protective action, do something creative or communicate with someone caring. For example, if someone insults us, it won't help to tell ourself, "Don't feel." The hurt is our emotional reality. However, we can choose to:
a) shrug it off as insignificant,
b) let the person know that we feel hurt, or
c) keep a protective distance while allowing ourself to feel the pain of a lost relationship.

Or, let's say we feel exhausted. After acknowledging the feeling, ask: "Can I push myself a bit more? Am I merely bored and need to get involved in some stimulating activity? Or do I really need to sleep?" Don't argue with feelings; do look at where they are taking us.

If a child says, "I hate my teacher," it won't help to say, "You're not allowed to hate." His feelings won't change; he now feels ashamed or angry that he cannot share, making him feel isolated and rejected on top of the hurt he is already feeling. What he needs is validation and compassion. By learning to multi-task, we build tolerance for the painful feelings which dwell within us. We can trust that the intensity will rise and fall on its own, without any intervention on our part, if we keep our beliefs and behaviors positive! Children cannot do this "juggling act." But we can! It's the DVI approach:

A. DEFINE: "Yes, I feel scared, hurt, lonely, rejected, betrayed, stifled, frustrated, etc."

B. VALIDATE: "I am not bad or crazy. It is normal to feel this way at such times. I have a right to feel hurt. I will 'hold' the pain for as long as it wants to be held, like a hurt child, without judgment and without fear or shame."

C. INSPIRE WITH COURAGEOUS ACTION OR FAITH: "I will use the pain as an impetus to action, such as music, art or doing acts of kindness or will focus on developing my spiritual powers - humility, compassion, etc." Feelings are a lot like children; we can honor their feelings – but we do not give them the keys to the car! The "adult" must stay in control. To do so, it is helpful to adopt certain disciplines, such as:

RULE 1: ACCEPT ALL FEELINGS FEARLESSLY:
We're given with a broad range of feeling tones, each of which contributes to our depth and complexity as human beings. Just as the eighty-eight keys on a piano allow for a magnificent variety of musical sounds, we have high and low tones – from ecstasy and inspiration to rage and apathy.

When a painful feeling arises, Feelings are a lot like children; we can honor their feelings – but we do not give them the keys to the car! Whether it is outrage, despair or anxiety, allow it to "swoosh" through your body like a river. Do not try to restrain it. Give yourself permission to feel the raw pain. Think: "God is with me, accepting me as I am, right now. He loves me, whether I feel it or not." If you keep saying the words, then the pain will begin to fade at some point. When this happens, think, "Wow, I survived."

RULE 2: PUSH FORWARD:
When the acute phase has passed, push ourself to do something (anything!) positive that proves that we have control over some aspect of our life. This can be as small as flossing teeth or as big as forcing ourself to get to work. It's like the moment when the nurse walks in after an operation and forces you out of bed before you feel ready, knowing that staying in bed can cause blood clots. We can function with discomfort. Be proud of any positive acts we can manage to do despite the heartbreak. At times, just getting through the next hour takes enormous courage. See ourself as heroic for bearing the discomfort. (I will usually do room cleaning for this, it works!)

RULE 3: BE EMOTIONALLY MODEST:
Researchers have found that sharing painful feelings for about 15 minutes causes a pleasurable rise in hormonal levels, but more than that will intensify feelings of self-pity and despair. So give ourself a time limit. Do not share feelings with people who will think that we are untrustworthy, stupid or insane

RULE 4: REFUSE TO SPECULATE ABOUT THE FUTURE:
Is Iran going to strike first? Will the price of gas go higher? Will the marriage work out? If we find ourself speculating anxiously about possible future disasters over which we have no control, firmly tell ourself that "I refuse to go down that dark mental alley. God gives me precisely what I need." Leave the future in His hands - unless we can take actual steps to protect or advance ourself, like getting a job, taking out insurance or avoiding junk food.

RULE 5: BECOME EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT:
We'll never get all the love, understanding or appreciation we might crave. In fact, no one ever understands anyone completely. Assume that people are, "Doing the best they can with their present level of emotional intelligence and life experiences."

RULE 6: GROW FROM IT:
If we feel depressed, we should get busy! If we feel hostile, we should take protective action. If we feel jealous, let it be a catalyst for self-refinement, i.e., "I'm jealous of people who are kind and generous; I want to be like that." We really need to learn from what we see, we hear and we come across in everyday life. We really need to observe.

RULE 7: USE EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE (EFT)
EFT is a great way to multi-task. It teaches us to acknowledge our feelings while choosing new beliefs and actions. For example:

FAKE IT: "Even though I'm anxious about being fired, I choose to do my best at work and talk the 'faith talk' to strengthen me and my family's perspective."

DO KINDNESS: "Even though I feel lonely and useless, I choose to volunteer at a charitable organization. Even if I'm just sticking labels on food parcels, it helps to be with people who appreciate my efforts."

STICK TO A SCHEDULE: "Even though I hate having this mood disorder, I choose to stick to my schedule of sleeping, eating, praying and working in order to create a sense of stability during unstable times."

FACE REALITY: "Even though I don't want my children to suffer maternal deprivation, I choose to face reality – lots of debts and a husband who says he is too depressed to work – and choose to find a job."

BE PROTECTIVE: "Even though I wish I could change this critical person, I choose to acknowledge that her presence is like poison to me and that I have the right to distance myself physically and emotionally."

BE GRATEFUL: "Whenever I start fantasizing about the person I might have married, I choose to remind myself that since God made this happen, He knew that this was for my best."

VALIDATE YOUR NEEDS: "Even though I'd like to be more outgoing, I choose to validate that I am an introvert and don't need to feel ashamed of the fact that I need a lot of quiet, private time for myself." - Sometimes, it is very tiring to try being someone else. Why should we? Just live the way we want it to be and smile.

BE RESPONSIBLE: "Instead of constantly berating myself for not being an organized superwoman, I choose to accept that I am organizationally challenged and need outside help."

In other words: Meet pain with compassion. Then focus on a positive act or thought to gain some distance and keep yourself from getting stuck in the quicksand.

Emotional multi-tasking means giving yourself permission to feel,

without shame or guilt, and identify what messages the painful feelings have come to give you.

:)

brangelina : expired affections

Can't love be stronger to stay for just another day?
When it is over, it is simply just - over.

affection oh affection, where can you be?

tujuh belas januari dua ribu sepuluh

a k h i r n y a

a t  l a s t

So now what should I do?

"If you're gonna hurt me
Then do it quickly
Cause I'm tired of cryin'
If you don't wanna
Stick around
Then, baby
Forget about me"...

double check, reconfirm and go! have a lil faith and everything's gonna be fine!

A friend of mine called me all of sudden just now, asking for some help. Bla bla bla bla talked to her to help her to figure out her real massive situation, and I told her,

" What ever it is, stand for yourself. Never give up. If you tak mengalah, takde siapa pun boleh kalahkan you..." kata saya.

What??? Kata saya? Wow, did I said that? Pandainya berkata-kata. Why don't I try that on myself first? People usually said that it is always easier to say than to really do it. Or it is just that it is what it is; We actually need people to say it, then only we will do it because we simply just can't rely on the decision that we made alone. This is really not good, it seems as if we have very low self esteem and not strong enough inner power to projects own decision and to hold it! What ever it is, good that I realized this. Thank you, voices from inside! :)

If it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?

You never really stop loving someone… You just learn to try to live without them. That is what we call move on or moved on. Chin up when the tears start to fall and... Pretend~ That is what lovers are best in and made to be. Always a lover, never be loved. -with loves.

canker sores is killing me!

Well I know it's like no biggie with this common canker sores as one in five people gets it recurrently. But seriously I'm one of that five that gets it like so often (really often). I will usually think that it's due to the weather or lack of drinking plain water. But since this little not cute sores loves to check on me at least once in two or three months, I simply do little reading about it to get to know about it better. To find ways to get along with it better in any ways I  wish I could.

So here are few facts about canker sores that maybe others had known for ages but I have just discovered because I couldn't be bothered about it all this time.

• it is not contagious
• it is in the family genes
• women and people in their teens and 20's get them more often (due to menstrual hormones and stress) 
• may be triggered by stress, poor nutrition, food allergies and menstrual periods
• Canker sores can usually be expected to heal within 4 to 14 days. (sometimes it can be a little longer)
  
  
  
  

Difficulties that I have to face each time this little not cute thing visits me :

• difficulties to speak (i will mumble most of my words).
• difficulties to eat or drink (acidic, spicy, hot drinks and foods is such an enemy).
• difficulties to do my everyday brushing.
• it usually pain through out the day though i do nothing. 
• it gives me real moody, gloomy feelings too due to the pain.

The best solution is either to the gargle salty water (which u will be jumping and running the whole house as the results of a real smarting, really gonna blow u off!) or it's the bonjela gel. Ok, it stills gonna blow u a little, but it gives the soothing feelings after a while. :)

bad day always ends good

 lesson learned :  

no more handphone in the pocket while in the toilet. coz it'll end up.... pulppp~ tata!

Women are made to be loved, not understood. -Oscar Wilde

Needing a man is like needing a parachute. 

If he isn't there the first time you need him, 

chances are you won't be needing him again...

Men and women relationships can definitely be complicated at times or for some maybe it's all the time.

So maybe that is the reason why... 

Woman 'married' to Berlin Wall for 29 years

Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the concrete structure in 1979 after being diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality. Mrs Berliner-Mauer, whose fetish is said to have its roots in childhood, claimed she fell in love with the structure when she first saw it on television when she was seven. She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests. While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she has a full, loving relationship with the wall. Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who lives in Liden, northern Sweden, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. "The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."

While the rest of mankind rejoiced when the Wall, erected by the Soviets in 1961 to halt an exodus from East to West Berlin, was largely torn down in 1989, its "wife" was horrified. She's never been back and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory. She said: “What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband." She is said to have shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence. Objectum-Sexual or objectophilia is feelings of love, attraction, arousal, and commitment for a particular object. The mere thought of a relationship with an actual human being seems ludicrous. - Richard Alleyne 

And Another story...

Married To The Eiffel Tower

Erika La Tour Eiffel, 37, a former soldier who lives in San Francisco, has been in love with objects before. Her first infatuation was with Lance, a bow that helped her to become a world-class archer, she is fond of the Berlin Wall and she claims to have a physical relationship with a piece of fence she keeps in her bedroom. But it is the Eiffel Tower she has pledged to love, honour and obey in an intimate ceremony attended by a handful of friends. She has changed her name legally to reflect the bond.

She revisits the massive structure as part of a documentary on Five on Objectum-Sexual women. There are around 40 people in the world who have declared themselves OS, all of them women and many of them also Asperger's Syndrome sufferers. The OS term was first coined by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a 54-year-old woman who has been "married" to the Berlin Wall for 29 years. Before returning to Paris for her first wedding anniversary, Mrs La Tour Eiffel visits the Berlin Wall, where her affection for what many Germans see as a symbol of repression leads to an uncomfortable encounter with a member of the staff at the Checkpoint Charlie museum.

"I just don't understand how some people can bring someone into the world like a child - an object - and then not love them," she said. She explained that she feels an affinity with the wall: "I am the Berlin Wall. Hate me, try to break me apart, but I will still be here, standing." She blames her upbringing for her condition. She claims to have been molested by her half-brother and abandoned by her parents to various foster homes.

"If I am the way I am today because of everything that happened to me, then I'm alright with it," she said. "I wouldn't change who I am now." Jerry Brooker, from New York State, one of the psychotherapists interviewed for the documentary, said that OS women were motivated by a need for control.

"Someone who falls in love with objects can control that relationship on their own terms," he said. "Their objects will not let them down. That is extremely attractive for a person who is otherwise often desperately lonely." The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower is on Five at 10pm on June 4. - Aislinn Simpson

Have you ever had a crush on objects?  They call this as 'objectum sexual', people who share emotional and sexual bonds with inanimate objects. Some even marry them. Click here or official site for 'OS' to read more about 'objectum sexual'. Somehow I gotta say, this maybe caused by hormones, psychological damage or biological problem in a person. But I hope there are none of them who chose that way due to post-traumatic or phobia in relationship with men.

Nail it deep in brain:

The perfect man: smokes not, drinks not, flirts not, exists not.

Male and female represent the two sides of the great radical dualism.

But in fact they are perpetually passing into one another.

Fluid hardens to solid, solid rushes to fluid.

There is no wholly masculine man, no purely feminine woman.  
-Margaret Fuller

The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is to decide what you want

I believe that a heart needs only its own voice to do what is right.

“If you have to think about whether you love someone or not then the answer is no. When you love someone you just know.” -Janice Markowitz

2009 was yesterday, 2010 is today!

It's 2010! I'd like to wish all happy new year, may life treat all of us kind and things will b much better than yesterday. Wishing all lots of love, happiness and kindness! :)