go with your heart with the guidance of brain?

"There is nothing more painful than
to let you're feelings take you down
because it's so hard to know the way you feel inside
when there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide..."
- A Shoulder To Cry On by Tommy Page

I still have this very deep curiosity,
about how feelings (wants) can go against the thinking (brain)
and how thinking (brain) can go against the feelings (wants).

So, as for now,
let me name our feelings (wants) as nafsu,
while our thinking (brain) as akal.

How usually this two elements will split the person into two options to decide. Which to follow?

There are times when wants could give extra-ordinary drive to people who needed self-motivations and inspirations. It is just like the very common example of an old lady could run very fast, beyond her or even our expectations when there is a dog barking, chasing her. Things like this goes beyond the logical thinking of a human being. But the deep wants drive could lead to this kind of magnificent thing to happen.

Pepatah Melayu,
Dimana ada kemahuan, disitu ada jalan.
Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih.

So it's hard to choose.
There are times when the things that we wanted so much
is the thing that the heart wants so much,
but the logical brain go against and stop us to do so.

the heart only knows what the heart wants
and the brain should play the role in controlling,
to create balance and to differ human from animals.


Follow your brain, you might stand up genius,
but not necessarily correct.
Follow your heart, you may feel better,
but not necessarily good choice.
So should I combine both and make a truth, most satisfying decision?
you can never find absolute, maximum satisfaction in life.
-see, my brain is functioning logically, again.


Why do I still want when I'm very clear and know that I really shouldn't? Who to be blame?

should ex lovers be friends?

I wonder why do I always have good relationship with my exes after all the issues between us is settled. We'll simply talk bout things around, ask opinions about lots of things especially about new lovers or even considering whether to accept new lovers or not! sigh~

Well, I am writing this down because the 3rd case just came in! After all it's a good thing to catch up about each other after some period of time. It's kinda reminisce old memories, the old you to be exact. But still I wonder why do we make better friends when everything is over compared to the time when were more than friends. I guess we just do good as friends. Maybe 'relationship' has brought both of us too much pressure which actually beyond our capability to deal with. Maybe it's the commitment issue, loyalty, trust and situation around oblige both of us to that not really good endings. But it's okay, I always have this one positive thinking to bear with this exes issues. Well like the one I posted in the previous post: 'ex lover : the game over story', that we have to think the positive side of everything in order to have better days ahead.

Being friends with exes is just an okay thing to me because that person might know me better than others. Even good friends should be the one who knows us in and out, but in this case of an ex, it's about some kind of different perspective. We may be a little different dealing with this two different person; a good friend and a lover. We don't aspect too much of commitment with friends compared to the commitment we entail from a person we are in a relationship with. We may share different chapter of life with this two person, even we may not be that much sensitive being with friends.

So an ex should have really different or maybe extra perspectives on our-self. Therefore being good with exes is like having extra mirror that can give us better reflection about what should we do or shouldn’t. Our weakest and strongest point. After all we also might not have that much of ego and will simply be true because everything is over, right? There’s nothing much to keep, to expect, so we will just be transparent to each other. My first one contacted me back after about 3 months we’re over. The second one took longer, about 8 months because we had a real crucial situation when we broke up. And third one is about a year after. Though we did contacted each other in between but it wasn’t really the real conversations like what we had today.

Undeniable it was little gawky at first but when we start to get comfortable and open up to each other, we did it good. We talk about common things, asking how well does each other are doing after that broke up and as we talk about life, studies, works and world around, we even jokes around about each other. We even tease each other about how we were back then when we’re in that relationship and we laugh out loud listening to each comments. We even discussed about the wrong turns we both made through out the unsuccessful relationship. We both agreed that we should take that as a lesson for guidance in the future.

From that, we can both clearly see how time has grown us up. It is so true that things happen for reason. It will somehow change us to be a better person someday. So as we joke around, we realized how childish we were those time. We say things we shouldn’t and many more things that was once a serious issue those time, but now is something that we can laugh at. Problems and issues can be jokes after some period of time. That is why when some issue occurs in the middle of my life, I will try hard to take it easy as I always remind myself that the biggest thing today is just a matter of nothing someday. So I do not want to take it as a real big deal that will contribute to increase my pressure. But if it really are something very big deal then, it's okay. Go and crash heads to the wall. :P

Somehow, it’s undeniable that this kind of conversation does evoke some old feelings, but this is when we have to apply the ‘mind over matter’ technique. We have to know that everything is over now and everything is just left as memories now. Never stir up too much with it because you will never want to lead this to some other thing. Unless you both are single and were back to have each other again. Then, it’s a good thing. But in my case, they are all taken. So I really have to know my limit because I will never want to be the cause of some other people’s quandary. So lets behave good exes. But it is really sweet when we actually admit that there are some special quality; the good qualities in each other which we don’t really realize when we were together. Like the quotes, ‘You never truly appreciate things until they are gone’ – it is so true.

Hence another benefit that we can get by being good to our exes is we will learn to appreciate things. It will help so much in our current or future relationship. Being able to think positively after an unsuccessful relationship will help us to build better one next time. We will learn to consider things, tolerate and to accept each other better. After all, why do we have to be enemies when once upon a time ago, we were something even more than friends? We shared lots of sweet moments together, some are very meaningful that you might not even gonna experience again. So let us just share the every little pieces of us with each other. Well exes, I'm looking forward to attend your weddings :) Will I have a chance to make the special toast as well? :P

So the perfect answer for my post title is; WHY NOT?
Yes or No, you got to decide because not all relationship ends in peace. I understand that they are kind of people who we can't even stand listening to their name! I don't blame you if you hate your ex so much because there must be at least a reason for it, right? So what ever it is, just chill~

Nightmare Detective 1 & 2 : Two Thumbs Up!

However personally I'd prefer the first one much better than the 2nd one. For me, (my own interpretation) the first one is about the inner conflict that happened to a person who decided to commit suicide. It portrays that such people who decided to take their own life without giving the 2nd chance to themselves is a coward. Lacking of strenght to face the future and being not responsible for what they have done today. For me, the plot plays around the human mind's (basically the conscious and the unconscious mind). The needs and the wants of a person. Here are few things that I discovered and interested to read more on:

1. How unconscious mind plays the role to control the conscious and effect the everyday life of a person.

2. People who are about to commit suicide still run for their life when they are been attack. Wow! I thought you wanted to die so much? (What has this got to do with the brain function, mind and psychology of self defense; the fight or flight response).

3. How we can actually control our mind. (To put a border line between the conscious and unconscious. Controlling the superiority of Ego, Super Ego and Id; in order to have all in balance). How somebody who faces lots of stress and go through too much of depression still can survive mentally healthy (undeniable; maybe only with some minor damage inside). This is about the power of having self in control. This may answer the questions on why do some teenagers are prone to get involve in crimes, social problems while the other half just don't. Is it only due to the environmental effects? or actually it has other factor that contributes one's to do so.

4. How true about we are being our number 1# enemy. (based on the explicit and profound connection between speech and language theory of mind of Lev Vygotsky that tells us how the inner speach may defect the outter self presentation of a person). -I am interested in the studies of self-talk by Lev Vygotsky.

Well maybe some may have experienced this; you wanted something so much, but there's something inside tells you not to do so or not to have it. Like... don't buy, don't go, etc. The inner speaks to our mind. The inner sometimes speaks louder than voice. Maybe some would say it is the language of the instinct, the voices from the heart. Maybe. But why it has something against the brain decision sometimes? Why do some people having very hard time deciding something? Bad decision maker.

After all, this is all just pieces of something that I loves to think about. It's just that I hated it so much when I travels my own thinking and start thinking of what I'm thinking. -I shouldn't do so. So everytime I am about to do so, I stop all of my current thinking process.

We should avoid traveling - in our thoughts.
by Adam Phillips

self archive: yesterday, I was walking around the mall with ripped jeans coz I accidently tripped, fell down and slashed my knees on that rough surface. so now i have torn jeans + torn knees :(

next post: i wanted to write so much about memories. what it takes to keep them, why do we preserve them and how. don't you think memories is such a wonder? till then, take care and chill~

Open Your Eyes by Maher Zain

It is just a piece of something to share.


Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have. I'm wishing you all the joy and happiness that you can ever wish :)

the smith 1980's

The Smith :)

love conquers all :)

"It can be confusing. It can be complicated.

But at the end of the day, it's all about love."

two thumbs UP!

but bradley cooper....? urghh :(

laugh out loud, prepare for suprises, tear a lil, walk out with big smiles :)

hypochondriac, am i?

I'm currently suffering from some kind of stiff neck problem (including shoulder and back pain). So I was kinda worried and spent almost 2 hours just now reading about neck, neck problems, neck pains and few more related matters. I traveled from site to site, from medical and health sites, medical practitioners to personal blogs of people who suffered from the symptoms that I am having now. Well, I gotta say that it is so me. I will usually loves to do some readings regarding any related health matter that occurred along my daily life, whether it is about myself or about others around me. It has become a habit or it must be a nature that I love to know about things because I need to know, at least just knowing what it is, is good enough. 

But it never made me a super knowing lots about health and medicine that I should go to a medical school or whatsoever. I have never scored good marks for my science papers like biology, physics, especially chemistry! Never able to find ways to have good chemistry with chemistry! Seriously. I have never at all can get along with my Mathematics and Additional Mathematics subjects during schools. So being a pure science student in a pure science's class have tortured me to the maximum level ever.

So back to the 'want to know' habit, as I've said that it is so me that I will have the urge to read or listen or want to know about the related matters that happened to me or people around me. Okay, call me paranoid that I have read lots and lots about ankle because I once believe that I have some kind of problem with my ankle that I keep having it sprained over and over again. So I need to get myself to know about it and find ways how can I overcome this matter until I finally decide that it maybe a post-traumatic effect due to past sports injuries. It's clearly been said that once we had our ankle sprained, it will usually never going to be the last because of we usually take advantage on sprained ankle's care and thought that it will recover soon and we can jump, walk and run again as usual. This is where we are wrong because a sprained ankle that have not completely recovered will easily get sprained again, again and over again. 

So I don't see any wrongs that I've read lots about ankle because I'm annoyed about having it sprained few times over and over again (not too frequent, but at least once in a year or two). So I really need to know about it. I need to know about my body or else who would care to know about it for me then? But don't get me wrong, I don't really read like doing research in-depth or very detail, it's just briefly bout it, the symptoms, causes, medications and what does others said about it. I will also usually read about how bad can it turn later, about the precautions and what ever else necessary. I guess, this habit is due to my uneasy feelings or laziness to meet doctors that I would prefer to do readings. But of course I am very aware that readings through books, journals and internet won't give exact prescriptions and solutions. It will still be best to see the doctor itself and have a two way communication session to fix the problems.

Well, besides ankle, some of the readers might still remember that I have an entry posted about canker sores. It also due to my own self experience on keep getting it over and over again that I really need to know about it. But I think that it's really good to know about it because I seriously never know that canker sores appeared due to stress which maybe due to menstrual, and I have never know at all that it is in our family genes (genetic factors). So I will never complain much and feeling so despair about it when it happen again. This one habit makes me feel much comfortable in overcoming matters like this and to cope with situations that related to health and body functions.

Furthermore this one habit helps me in understanding things that people been talking about, no matter what it is. At least I have little knowledge here and there and will never make me a completely blur person when it comes to placenta previa, endometriosis, bone fractured, cyst, thyroid, high blood preassure, stroke, slip disc and many more. Well I don't see any rational that being who I am made me a hypochondriac person. I wasn't that too concern to death that I will die soon with little canker sores in my mouth! I am just being concern and have this eagerness to know about things around. That's all.

*hypochondriac - hypochondriasis (or hypochondria, often referred to as health phobia) refers to an excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness. Usually people who suffered this will have obsessive precautions on their health - like being outdoor can brings harm to their health, they can easily gets Hiv, etc.

well, hey check this out!

You Are 24% Hypochondriac

While your physical health isn't always perfect, you don't freak out about it.
You know there's only so much you can do, and worrying doesn't change anything.

Are You a Hypochondriac?

Take More Quizzes

12.34 am

So many things, so many reasons to stay away, but here I am, writing again. With so many incomplete tasks, oh assignments. I have been not touching any today. Hoping for tomorrow will be a good fine day for me to get things settle since. From that sleep disorder paper research to that brochure design and essays to complete up. Many more. I need to really list it down and paste it on my study table, bold in red. Okay, enough about those. Here we go, a must watch film, 'Valentine's Day'. I must get myself to watch this on it's first day, that's for sure.

It seems that it's gonna be as superb as 'Love Actually'. With those very long list of promising cast, it seems really great! 'Valentine's Day' is kinda starring practically everyone in Hollywood! The kings and the queens of romantic comedy genre. Starring big name cast, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Garner, Shirley MacLaine, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace, Emma Roberts, Hector Elizondo, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Taylor Lautner, Carter Jenkins, Taylor Swift, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah and not forgetting Joe Jonas! Anyway, we'll see how, whether it's gonna work with this piece or not.

but for me personally, i'm just gonna sing this song all along :)

..."Show me what love is, haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true

Don't need too much talking without saying anything
All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing live"...

-love is one big illusion, maybe i should try to forget-

Panorama, Look Out Point Ampang

:)